The Firebrand Social Story
On a brisk December afternoon in 2024, I went for a walk to my favorite coffee shop, and on that walk I received what I’d later realize was a download from The Universe: FIREBRAND SOCIAL.
What the Hell is that? It plagued my mind for hours. Had I seen the word firebrand somewhere? No one even knows what a firebrand is! I couldn’t get it out of my mind, and then suddenly I realized it was a club: a social club for women.
But I don’t like women. (stay with me here, my Darlings)
I’ve never been able to trust women, because it was never safe for me to do so. That statement resonates with far too many of us, and childhood wounds can be real bitch. The few women I’ve had close to me are very much like me: apprehensive and distrusting of women because of the sheer number of times we’d been judged or burned by other women. Why do we do this??
At 26, I was an unhappily married woman who, after years of trying to have children and a failed IVF cycle, was told she would never have them.
That news shattered the view I had of my future, and also crushed my own perception of womanhood: the one thing men can’t do is have babies, and I can’t have babies, so I’m not even a woman anymore. That was the rabbit hole my psyche went down. I know some of you have been served this sandwich for lunch, and dread the “Why don’t you have kids?/She must be so selfish” comments from other women. I understand — I’ve been there.
In an attempt to get my mind right (and by selling the minivan I was driving), I bought a Porsche, put it on the racetrack, and gave the middle finger to the femininity I felt had abandoned me.
That was the moment I stepped fully into my masculine energy, negating anything and everything feminine. Showing how “resilient” and “capable” I was to the world was all that mattered. And though there is a time and a place for that in both men and women, the longer we women stay in that mode, the farther away we lock our true essence: the power to create, nurture, intuit our surroundings, and connect to the rhythmic cycles of nature. Instead of getting quiet, and leaning back into that power from a different lens, I became a bad caricature of a weak man.
And society applauds wildly while we lose more and more of our divine femininity with every “YOU GO GIRL.”
Though professionally a pianist, it still doesn’t seem real when it comes up that I raced with Porsche Club Racing in the early 2000s. I was competitive within a field almost exclusively comprised of men; it felt good proving I belonged there. But did I? And how did a pianist end up on a race track anyway? How many times have you found yourself proving your worth to the men and women around you?
If you look around, far too many women are doing exactly what I did. The sheer number of conversations I’ve had with women the past 20 years around this is staggering. We bought into the lie that women are “just as strong as men” or “women can do everything men can do and better” or my personal favorite “I don’t need a man. I can do everything on my own.” These are the Lies We Were Sold. Why would I want to be anything but a woman anyway? Why would any of us? And why did we all buy into this?
What those statements actually did was give me an excuse not to be truly brave: to go inward to unlock the pain and wounds from my childhood, to grieve the loss of my fertility at 26 years old, and to listen to my heart, soul, and body for cues as to where The Universe would have me go. Instead, I had a horrific failed marriage, two long term relationships with broken men I was hellbent on fixing, and my physical health deteriorating to the point of almost dying in 2013. I was completely cutoff from my emotions, and paralyzed with the fear I’d lost my connection to myself forever. that’s when the realization happened: why I didn’t trust women. I couldn’t even trust myself to take care of, accept, and love me. I’d hit rock bottom, and swore I’d heal myself, and help other women to stop repeating these same patterns.
That’s why I decided to leave my teaching career and go all-in for women who, like me, feel the ache of something missing, something we’ve been told can be filled externally, something we thought would finally be satisfied when we showed the world (and mostly other women) that we could “do it all.”
That’s where Firebrand Social comes in: a community of women who are tired of the facade, tired of Boss Bitch/Boss Babe hustle culture, done with women in our social circles who complain endlessly about their husband, kids, or job but who do nothing about improving the relationship with themselves so they can sort out those other relationships.
My Darlings— it’s time to be amongst wise, seasoned, nurturing, brilliantly hilarious women who have walked through the fire so many times they’ve burned off all the masks and burnt down all the walls that kept their true radiance from shining. This is the place you’ve been searching for: where we want to see you in your fullest expression, where everyone lifts each other up because it lifts us all up, and where you’ll find a true, soul-filled league of women ready to do the same.
Cheers, you glorious Darlings!